Today's blog is late. I have just been sitting, staring at the screen not able to type. My baby girl started school today as a senior. She's the last one standing in the Briggs house as far as children in the nest. Last night all I dreamt about was her first day of preschool at Lucky Lane when she had two fingers in her mouth and Ms. Debbie had to pull her off my hip and pull her one hand with the death grip around my neck to separate us, so she could start preschool. She had the biggest red bow in her hair that consumed her head. She wore a Kelly's Kids outfit with her name on it, that matched her brothers shorts and shirt. Big tears slid down her face and I turned and got in the car and knew it was better not to look back. I just drove to the end of the street and took a deep breath. I was good. I didn't cry... I mean it was 9:00 a.m. and I was picking her back up at 1:00 p.m. for heaven's sake. But today I heard the footsteps upstairs and the scrambling of her getting ready at 6:00 a.m. this morning. She has been pumped. It's senior year and the excitement is just beaming from her. She ran downstairs in her PJ's her hair was a mess and she gave me a big hug and squealed. This is it! Senior year! (Just so you know I am sniffling and can't see the damn letters on the stupid key board as I type.)
I watched her as she got ready and listened to her talk so fast about everything she needed to do, how she loved her classes, and how excited all her friends are... the Class of 2016! Then she surprised me and said, "Mom will you come to my first day of school?" Was it the look on my face? Was it just an after thought? Did she really want me there? Who cares I said YES! Absolutely! When she came down the steps a second time, I thought about my dream. Even at 17 she had a maroon bow in her hair with the front pulled back. Not as big as when she was three, and there were no tears just the biggest smile ever as she asked, "How do I look?" My throat was on FIRE straining to hold back tears. I mean, it hurt so bad that I quickly yelled, "Hold on," to get my phone to take some pictures so I could collect myself! This time she drove off and didn't look back, probably because it was better that way. I was the one with tears down my cheeks following her in my own car.
I don't really have any websites to direct you to today. I just wanted to share what is a happy day but a hard one for many midlife parents. Knowing that the last one in the nest is on the tail end of her high school journey. I think the anticipation of being am empty nester is actually worse than when it happens. I also think the last one is a little harder because I fear the all consuming stillness and quiet that will soon be in our home. It's just change. There are many things about being an empty nester that I am looking forward too as well. I'm sure I'll blog about that soon. Right now I will just enjoy this bitter sweet time. And all the activities that will be coming to an end as she journeys through her senior year. This dancer who has been on stage since she was two. Who has a second momma, Ms. Caren at her dance school. If there is another person who is also feeling a tug it would have to be Ms. Caren. My daughter held on to Ms. Caren's leg for almost two years when she started dance. No other teacher would do. Yes one grubby chubby arm with a death grip around Ms. Caren's leg and the other with those two fingers in her mouth. My daughter the dancer has two homes that will miss her next year. This one and the dance studio. I fear she may miss the dance studio more... those wood floors and those dance bars are her escape, her release, her joy. Yes, it is time... I am preparing to watch it all, capture every second of her senior year. I am preparing myself to sit up high in the auditorium in a seat next to her other momma and enjoy my baby girls high school final bows.
Dancing with the feet is one thing, but dancing with the heart is another. ~Author Unknown
Keep looking forward so you don't miss what God puts in front of ya!
Matuschka's Midlife... Telling it like it is...
Above picture by flathatnews.com