There is always one in the group that says after 25 years of marriage they are still going at it 3 to 4 times a week. That nothing has changed they still play spontaneously every and anywhere in the house. You know what I say to that... I call Bull Shit! Our bodies and lives are changing so much and with every change comes a little less energy. Pieces of who you used to be as an individual and as a couple are slipping away. You are dealing with the changes I discuss in so many of my blogs. Young adults leaving the house, job changes, life stresses of aging parents and the list goes on and on. Throwing sex into that cesspool becomes challenging even if you want to be the Latin Lover that you once were... odds are your body is screaming UNCLE! The real culprit to a lacking libido is twofold for both men and women. For women the testosterone has been on a slow decline since your twenties. Then with no warning at no precise time during midlife it plummets to just short of non existent. The second part is general health. When there is a lot of stress health can decline which means sex drive wanes. Loss of sexual desire is a women's biggest sexual problem... and it's not all in your head, says sex psychologist Sheryl Kingsberg, PhD.
Whenever you hear low sex drive you automatically think hormones and testosterone. As I stated above you also think of psychological reasons like stress and depression. But I wasn't joking when I said your general health also plays a really big part. There's health stuff you are familiar with like gluten intolerance or low and high blood sugar. But it could be stuff you aren't as familiar with like leaky gut (doesn't that sound just nasty) and adrenal fatigue. It all can contribute to lack of sexual desire. So remember your physical well being is a huge component when it comes to your sex drive. Don't dismiss it, even weight gain or the medicines you are prescribed to take for a variety of reasons can contribute to the lack for lust. Basically if you feel you're falling into a pattern of, "Not tonight babe I have a headache," and that is not your usual M.O. (mode of operation), get it checked out. If it is your usual M.O... I still say that's not normal, get it checked out! There is no reason to settle for a loss in sexual desire.
What I recommend focusing on with your partner in your midlife years is how to get that sex rush back! As we said before the person you used to be is changing as well as the partner you have with you. Time to explore the new people you have become and continue to evolve into. Put that energy into reinventing your sex life. Be honest with yourself. Doctors say you should ask yourself, “How do you want to re-create your relationship and enhance romance in your lives?” The answer will be different for everyone. Make sure you know what you want. Talk it over with your spouse then work on what it takes to make it happen. You are lying to yourself if you don't admit that sex is an important part of your life. I'm lucky I have a little help... my mother-in-law is a sex therapist. No joke! But let's be serious. I really can't talk to her about sex with her son GROSS! WAY AWKWARD! Really not sure if he has ever talked to his mom? I do know we are both aware that as our bodies age we have to adjust to maintain the madness of making love at midlife. Yes, sex at midlife is complicated, but there is no excuse for it not to be GREAT!
Keep looking forward so you don't miss what God puts in front of ya!
Matuschka's Midlife... Telling it like it is...