Well, this will be a first. Blogging about a response to one of my blogs. Last week I blogged on dating at midlife and it struck a nerve with some males. One persistent one reached out and caught my attention. I talked to him in-depth on the phone and his belief is at midlife all the single ladies hold the cards. But he truly believes they still don't know what they want even at midlife. Is this true? The old saying that girls don't REALLY want Nice Guys… One article says Not So!
*My reader claims this is what women post on dating sights:
I want someone who is honest, respectful, a great sense of humor and has character.
I want someone who is financially stable and no drama.
Someone who can make me laugh and enjoy the quiet moments as well as crazy fun times.
*But believes this is what women go after in reality… even at midlife:
Someone who is not truthful, who is arrogant and is pompous.
Women look for confident, charismatic, dominant and risk taking men.
I think we have all confused cocky and egotistical for confident at some point in our lives. But is there a trap that many women keep falling for? Are the nice guys too nice? I think women want a happy medium but in what language do we express that to the midlife single male. My reader states that for men it's more difficult because of social media. Now before you even meet the person, you go window shopping on the internet with dating sites and vainly shoot people down by looks alone. Then you google and research them. What do they do, how much they make, where do they live and you size up the potential candidate before they ever get into the gate! He states if a man isn't healthy, hasn't done adventurous things by midlife and doesn't have an exceptional income, he better plan on being the good friend rather than the desired partner. Say it isn't so ladies? Surely you now know there is no perfect prince. The rules change for both men and women at midlife. Here is a great 101 on dating for midlife by Mr. Dave Singleton, an award-winning writer and columnist for Match.com since 2003, who is also the author of two books on dating and relationships.
Finally, I asked my anonymous male reader to give me his insights on what he believes single midlife men are thinking out there. This paragraph is from his mouth to my fingertips. Ladies don't spill all your garbage on the first night. They don't want your resume, and (hint) the Ego Maniac is the one that gives you his financial resume up front (Run honey Run). Many men are now on a time clock not the women. Many want sex, companionship, and a care taker. If you want the man that moves slower maybe go for the man who listens more and doesn't talk so much about himself. Sex on the first date brings up a high question mark to the man looking for a serious relationship. Do reveal any serious health issues, family structure, kids, etc., on the first date to be fair. The last advice from my reader is don't bring the baggage from the guy that broke your heart into the new dating scene. Not every guy is a cheating, lying, groping mean asshole.
I would like to say that I believe if you respect yourself and have your own confidence you will mirror what you feel inside and find that person. I'm not saying I think it's easy. But even in marriage I find if you don't love yourself first and respect yourself it's hard to even find success in a marriage, much less going out there on a date with a stranger. Here is a great article to help women attract Quality Men. To my male reader who put himself out there with me on the phone, thank you for letting me share your thoughts. I hope what you believe isn't the majority but it does make us all think, which is the reason I shared your words. We all get bored at times in our lives. So sometimes a really sweet guy who is very nurturing and very secure, and overly helpful may at some point seem boring. Then women get diverted and get interested in the high-achieving, high-energy man who may even be a bit chauvinistic. A question to women dating… Can you be attracted to the man who is sensitive and touchy-feely, who may not be as ambitious? Or are you more interested in the power and status man who doesn't have time to show compassion but he can throw you his unlimited credit card? Hmm… I think feeling alone in a relationship is worse than being alone. So unless a dog can fill your void. Make sure you know what you want out of a relationship.
Keep looking forward so you don't miss what God puts in front of ya!
Matuschka's Midlife... Telling it like it is...