by Matuschka Lindo
My husband and I started our journey 24 years ago but made it official November 27, 1992. I have found that no matter when you start your journey with your significant other, chances are you will end up in unchartered territory during midlife. Unfortunately there is no safe amount of years that guarantee a successful marriage. We have seen even in the media people who have been married almost 25 years fall apart. Tipper and Al Gore, Maria Shriver and Arnold Schwarzenegger, making you wonder if marriage was meant to last a lifetime? Consider this... we get married on average in our mid twenties to early thirties and many of us are living into our late eighties and early nineties. Let's be honest here. At least once by midlife we all roll over in bed and look at our significant other at one time or another and think "Holy Shit" this is what I am stuck with until death do us part? That is a long time! Statistics show that divorce has doubled for couples over 50. The 25 year itch is alive and well.
One of the reasons might be Fantasy vs. Reality
when it comes to marriage. According to Mary Jo Pederson an author and a national leader in Catholic Family Ministry, “Our expectations of marriage are so out of line,” Pedersen says. “Marriage isn’t supposed to make you happy, it’s supposed to make you married.
Navigating marriage at midlife is tricky because as my husband and I have found we are changing as individuals and our roles are changing as spouses, parents, siblings, and adult children. Throw in everyday life challenges and it's a new game with new rules. At 50 plus my husband chose a new career (gulp) earlier this year. We are hemorrhaging money with one in college now. We decided to put our house on the market and downsize. We are having to take care of our parents more, and the list goes on. So, how do we keep the attraction alive with the new roles and responsibilities that come with midlife marriages? Not to mention the declining tolerance of all our lacking attributes, habits, and just stuff in general that never bothered you in earlier years, but does now. For example: I could have the best intentions at 40+ when I get into bed at night. I'm refreshed, showered, cute nightgown and so ready for action. But with all the variables in our life right now, there is a five minute window once my head hits my pillow, before I am out cold! Our bodies and minds are not what they used to be when we first got married. So a tune up of new ideas, practiced rituals, and new tolerances are needed for the ever changing midlife. For us, the midlife secret to keeping sex alive in our marriage since I am a total fail at night... Morning Sex
! I highly recommend it. Some of you may be saying TMI. But this blog is about telling it like it is at midlife, so let me explain. Before you start with the jokes of that's why Matuschka looks so disheveled in the morning. Read this article on the benefits
of how morning sex can keep you looking and feeling young, healthy and elevated all day long. TIP: Keep mints or cough drops in your night stand.
Like every other marriage we have had some rough years and some amazing years. The roughest I will admit came during midlife when we hit 40. The reevaluation of your life which is very normal between 40-50 can put huge road bumps in marriages. But the one constant that has helped us through even the worst of times is laughter. This man I married made me wet my pants on one of our very first dates. To this day he still has me laughing so hard and with the bladder I have now... lets just say not much has changed. I know it's not up to my husband or my marriage to make me happy. The happiness comes from my choices and I choose him to share those experiences with me. Several years ago a therapist told us that if we wanted our marriage to last beyond midlife, a shift in expectations had to take place. The same way our expectations change with our teenage children, our aging parents and personally my expectations have changed for myself. Here are Nine Secrets to a Happy Marriage.
More than all the things mentioned above we have always respected each other, fought fairly, and made up before bed... 90% of the time, oh okay maybe 85%. (I am hispanic... I tend to have loud discussions- he says I'm screaming at him WHATEVER- it works for us!) That's our marriage in a nutshell. It's not perfect, but it's celebrated for what it is. One of my dear friends Karen Drexler told me a good marriage is like a needle point belt. All the hard work, tangles and knots on the inside, makes it beautiful and woven tight on the outside. The design of our belt is still a work in progress. There is still plenty of blank canvas and I am not sure what pattern lies ahead. What I do know is that there is no other person I would rather be with to make the design in my life come alive. Happy Anniversary Malcolm, Love Your Wife!Keep looking forward so you don't miss what God puts in front of ya!Matuschka's Midlife... Telling it like it is...
Skin Care + Makeup + Age = Less Drugstore More Salon
by Matuschka Lindo
How long can a middle age woman continue to shop at discount superstores or drug stores for beauty products. Well, the answer is complicated after speaking to several specialist in the field of dermatology including mine
. Drug store brands and salon products can have the same ingredients but the amounts of those ingredients are different. Here in lies the problem and where it gets complicated. Over the counter brands may have the same effective ingredients in a product, but in lower quantities. Meaning they probably don't have the amount of the ingredient needed to be effective, especially as you get older.
I have always been a Neutrogena/Oil of Olay, basic no fuss kind of girl. So you could say I haven't changed my beauty habits since I was in high school. Let's see, does that make sense? Do I wear the same type of clothes I wore in high school? Nope. Do I have the same hairstyle I had in high school? Nope. (I will also throw out there that I got rid of the blue eyeshadow thank heavens.) Then why the hell am I still using the same skin care? No wonder when I hit 40 my face looked like an acne ridden teenager. That's how I was treating it! Time to accept my age and rethink my routine.
Let's start with skin care... at 40-something I need to be using a non foaming cleanser, SPF (and don't think because you have skin of color you don't need SPF. That's a myth, you need it sista!), Retinoid & Peptide Rich Serum and lastly Moisturizer with Glycerin. There is truly Skin Care for Every Age
and if you don't adjust as you age you are in for a rude awakening. The good news is that no matter what age you are it's still usually just 4 basic products when it comes to skin care. The bad news is the more active ingredient help you need (aka the older you get) the pricier it may be.
So even though you may want to go down kicking screaming and fighting father time, embrace your age and accentuate what makes you beautiful. Even when it comes to make-up you need to make it age appropriate in reverse. Less is More... Lighten up on the thick eyeliner, instead of Black Noir by day do Brown or a thinner lighter line. Put more mascara on your outside lashes to make eyes look brighter and lift them upward. Focus on your brows, not make-up that targets crows feet. Lighten up on your foundation maybe a light bronzer to dash out by day. Save dark colors, shimmer, glitter and heavier foundation for special occasions or evening events where hard bright lights don't hit you directly. The word of the day is Change
! Your smiles, lines, bags and coloring are changing. Your skin is getting thinner and drier. Change
your products and your skin will keep up with your beautiful changes. Its time to say... Bye Bye Drug Store
, I'm a big girl now.Keep looking forward so you don't miss what God puts in front of ya!Matuschka's Midlife... Telling it like it is...
by Matuschka Lindo
I've never been afraid to die or to get old. I've been afraid of how I die when put on the pain and suffering radar. When I was younger I thought the worst way to die was to drown and the best way to die in my sleep. I think it all came down to the least amount of suffering in my mind. Those perspectives have all changed. Almost dying from white water rafting on a class five level Royal Gorge experience could have something to do with that. Ask me sometime I'll tell you the story. Okay... I digress let's get to the heart of this blog. My second misperception, I thought with age came wisdom and peace. The wisdom is playing out due to experiences in life that have manifested to a live and learn outcome. Now the peace... that is not falling into place like I envisioned. If I were to be honest I would say it's turning into the opposite. I have more anxiety about things that never bothered me before. For example, I use to fly in a glass chopper with my photographer with no doors. I've lost a bracelet in the Mississippi when we hit an air pocket. I've had emergency landings in a Cessna. I was even on the plane behind the Continental flight that skidded into the water March of 1994 on a snowy day at LaGuardia Airport. None of it even phased me when I was younger. Fast forward to today. I DO NOT do LaGuardia. Now, I get on any plane without my loved ones and there is a strong sense of unease. Don't know when it changed but it still isn't a fear of dying. It's the fear of dying before everyone in my life is taken care of and situated. Researchers are finding that Anxiety Disorders are common among older adults.
Wait, let me clarify! Anxiety disorders may be increased if you are a woman in peri-menopause or menopause. Just great! My two cents is this is the result of being the logistical organizer and multitasker for the entire family all our lives! Throw in forgetfulness, social media, a faster paced world, and a daily dose of the nightly news and this is our midlife reward. You've got to be kidding me?
We can't give into this, it takes us down a path of no return. I am writing to say we have to help each other fight through this and support one another. Anxiety is a mental condition characterized by an inability to stop worrying about the future, to the extent that day-to-day life is affected. There are physical symptoms you can look for and spot before you or a friend should probably head to a doctor. Serious physical symptoms such as insomnia, dizziness, palpitations, high blood pressure and panic attacks. Some say the midlife crisis anxiety is becoming an epidemic for women.
I'm not saying to self diagnose, I'm saying be aware of these symptoms. Just so my internist won't yell at me, I'm going to preface that Web MD is not the answer if you are anything like me. I read the words, if you have five or more of these symptoms seek medical help immediately.
Yes, I am one of those crazies that rushes to the emergency room. I have gone two times without telling my family thinking I was having a heart attack. A third time I went for an emergency scan because I thought I had a brain aneurysm. Call your doctor instead... Don't be like me. Unfortunately, as I get older my phobia of illnesses increases... it could be the rarest disease and I'm positive I have the symptoms after I read them.
There are several ranges of anxiety that are expected as we age. Your anxiety could be within normal ranges as you enter into midlife. CLICK HERE
to take a test and find out. (I tested moderate which seems about right) Be aware that anxiety control is a long term process but there are some key ways to stop anxiety. Remember nothing good ever comes easy and it won't start now. Follow these reduction strategies.
Another tool that works for me when my moderate anxiety kicks in is to reach for my spiritual anchor, my Catholic faith. Prayer is a powerful thing and sometimes we just have to turn it over to the big guy upstairs. As mothers, wives, sisters, friends, co workers, we carry many burdens for our loved ones. It's okay to just lean on God and say, 'Today... I can't do it... I need your help!'
Offering it up could help us steer clear of high anxiety.*Above image The Scream (Norwegian: Skrik) an Expressionist painting by Norwegian artist Edvard MunchKeep looking forward so you don't miss what God puts in front of ya!Matuschka's Midlife... Telling it like it is.
by Matuschka Lindo
Freelancing keeps me in the world of the young. When I go out on a shoot or to a particular job site I watch these twenty-somethings do amazing things with their phones. You know, more than just email, text and talk. They really are whizzes when it comes to apps. They go way beyond games and pictures and music. They use apps to help them with work and their social environment. As mid-lifers we APParently need to tune in. The following Apps are gems for mid-lifers.Uber App:
Uber connects riders to drivers it's called a ride sharing service. Think upscale cab service. No cash involved, no tips involved and it's all done through a smartphone app. You can track the car service location on the app until it arrives to your door. Larger cities have more cars and the drivers unlike cab services get up to 80% of the money, Uber takes 20%. In larger cities many use Uber to get to work everyday. Uber drivers keep their cars in good condition. There is also Uber Black, which is more expensive as it is the luxury line of cars that will be picking you up. Uber tells you the price of your fare before you are picked up so there are no surprises. Four is the magic number of passengers allowed in most Uber cars, unless an UberXL or UberSUV vehicle pulls up. No additional cost for extra riders; yep you read right, that taxi extra person fee is waived! On average a group of four can get to a reasonable destination for 20 bucks or under! For the record I know someone who has used the service and raved about it.No Wait:
More and more restaurants are not taking reservations. Especially the popular ones that everyone is trying to get into. The choice is yours, you can wait for 45 minutes the old fashioned way. Other option, you can just leave the restaurant because the wait is too long and be mad as you drive off with that taste in your mouth never being satisfied... Lastly you can keep up with the times and put your name in line on No Wait. This is basically a wait list floating in the cloud that allows you to form a line with your smart phone. You can browse restaurants that you want to attend and see what their wait times are, then put yourself on the wait list via phone. The app will show how many people are in front of you then it texts you when you are about to be seated. If you are still holding onto a pager or a buzzer (the germs have me itching just thinking about it) you are wasting a lot of valuable time. This is a Free
service and the app is also Free.
The down side,
NoWait Host is only available for iOS (iPad, iPhone, iPod Touch). MileIQ:
This app is a dream come true if you work for yourself, or if you are a free lancer like me. It automatically detects every drive you make and stores it into the cloud. Afterwards you can go on your phone and swipe to the left if the drive was personal or swipe to the right if it was business. You can even track when you do charity work. It does all the calculating and pricing for you. At the end of every month you can print out what your tax deduction should be, or you can print out the reimbursement you are due for a single commute. No more trying to figure out distance with gas prices and trying to log how many miles the drive took. Let your app do all the work. You get 40 drives a month for free. That's not enough for a freelancer like myself so I pay a small fee of $5.99 a month. Seriously, that is so worth taking the stress off any entrepreneurs back. Here's the Mile IQ recap in a nutshell... the app automatically logs your drives, calculate their value, and can sync the mileage reports with your tax, expense, and accounting software. Oh stop! You're welcome!
Yes, apps can be scary the older you get but they can save time and make life so much easier. Some of them are also fun. Prime example, are you wondering if you are a mid-lifer. It's your lucky day I can provide assistance if you are on the fence. Here is a web based app that will not only confirm whether or not you are of midlife age. It provides so much information that it could trigger a midlife crisis. CLICK HERE
ONLY if you can take the heat of an app called You're Getting Old
! It's quick, it's fun, try it! On a more serious note here are The Top 5 Apps
that can help those older than us namely our parents! Look them over, get them on their smart phones and teach them how to use these apps! Chances are you may need some of them as well. *Above Photo by communitytable.comKeep looking forward so you don't miss what God puts in front of ya!Matuschka's Midlife... Telling it like it is.