by Matuschka Lindo
Memory and Focus... These words are trick questions for mid-lifers. Is it our imagination or can we not multitask as much? Personally my mind has been playing tricks on me for about five years now. I really should buy some shares in Post-it Notes! Those colorful pieces of paper are my navigation system for the day. It seems that my mental file cabinet is on recall overload! I ask myself am I going crazy? Do I need to slow down? There is always that fear of Alzheimer's. Here are my top three memory scares.
1. I am driving home. A destination I can get to a variety of ways. I pass my exit and keep driving; until I am looking around thinking, where the hell am I and where was I going? Wasn't I on my way home? This is my all time freak out experience! It doesn't happen often, but even once a year is one time too many. I did read once that two Northwest Airline pilots missed the twin cities by 150 miles. Made me feel better... Wonder if they were female pilots in their mid 40's?
2. This one is soooo embarrassing. I am talking to someone, maybe my child's teacher during parent/teacher conferences and I am totally engaged in the conversation… Five minutes go by and I'm thinking whoops, I have no idea what you are saying since I just came back mentally? How do I drop out of a conversation so unintentionally and unwillingly? Where do our minds go? Is this normal?
3. I know I'm not alone! I predict the majority of you can feel my pain on this final brain fart. You are at home, you walk from one room to the next… then it happens! Yep! Hate that, don't you? The crazy question? What did I come in this room for.... Seconds ago we knew where we were going and why. We walked into that room with purpose and determination and poof just like that it's gone! I decided to go to therapist Ann Sullivan to get some answers about our midlife psyche.
There is some good news. This forgetfulness may not be forever! Along with Ann's advice on how life will slow down eventually for many of us, researchers now suggest that the middle aged mind preserves many of its youthful skills and even develops some new strengths! While memorization skills
and perceptual speed both start to decline in young adulthood, studies now show that verbal abilities, spatial reasoning, simple math abilities and abstract reasoning skills all improve in middle age. Woohoo we're still in the game! Speaking of games there are so many brain games to help keep it all working efficiently up in your noggin. There is a website called Lumosity
that basically provides a personal trainer for your brain. I don't know if I'm ready to work that hard to keep my brain up to par. I'm on beginner memory sliding level so a nice game of poker with a glass off goose on the rocks is a little more my speed. But hey I wanted to provide choices to you wiser older over achievers! Many of you out there are probably wondering if that damn game Candy Crush counts as a memory builder? Well, I think it's cockamamie but some say if you do the speed play version its great for the brain. Hmmmm as I said, "Deal and pass me my Vodka!" That's one saying I'll never forget!
By the way this mental mush includes men. I think it's selective memory that they have when it comes to their Mother-in-law's birthday, that dance recital and the non action movie date night. Of course a recent study says their excuses for forgetting may be legit
, regardless of their age. Meaning younger men forget as much as older men. Figures!*Above picture by scrubbing.in Keep looking forward so you don't miss what God puts in front of ya!Matuschka's Midlife... Telling it like it is...
by Matuschka Lindo
With an invitation comes some duty shall we say. Some respect to the host or hostess of an event. I think most of our generation and beyond understand and still respect this code that used to be drilled into us growing up, or at least I thought so. I will be the first to admit that I am a late responder which is rude! I have been on both ends of the RSVP nightmare and I just don't understand why it's so hard to be polite and just respond by the date asked. As I said, I am guilty of waiting until that deadline. I usually respond with a NO if I am not sure by that date. If things change, then I call and beg to come if something clears up. That's probably all wrong also. I refer to Emily Post
for the answers. What I don't do is not respond at all, that is just Etiquette Hell. Are you a heathen, ignorant, or just mean? Someone has thought about you, invited you, wanted to include you and you can't respond at all? I say an exception may be the 500 invitations sent out for a huge charity event. Okay, that I get. You would go broke on postage responding to the two you get a week. But if a friend or an organization you are involved with sends you an invitation be civilized and respond.
I think the rules of an invitation have gone by the way side? I also believe Evite's make things more complicated. What the hell is a MAYBE? So maybe I make some food for you. Maybe I sit you with a table of 10. Maybe you will find something better to do. Well, maybe I don't want you to come anymore?Maybe is unacceptable. The way the majority of people handle an RSVP is beyond rude. Just for the record if it's a wedding or large party, they want food numbers five days from the event. So if you are calling to say you can come 2 days before, you should be shot. It's gotten so bad now I think people just make extra food for tacky people who come last minute. Etiquette experts say that only 50%
of people answer their RSVP's. What a sad state we are in when it comes to manners. What is wrong with people? Is there no guilt when you get a call or email to see if you are coming. Which makes me think… if I have to beg someone to come to an event, I need to strike them from the list for the next time! Now the people who really make me bat crazy, the people who RSVP Yes and No Show. Let's get this out of the way right now. If you don't have some major foreign illness, I am talking very badly about you to someone… GUARANTEED! That is money people have shelled out for you and they won't be refunded.
Thanks to social media there are so many ways to contact a host and hide behind your faux pas, so there is just no excuse. I think the writing is on the wall for RSVP. People don't see the urgency anymore, or we are all just so over booked we can't keep up. I am guilty of having five events on my refrigerator and walking by only to see what I thought was the RSVP date was the actual day of the party. I screamed and immediately called the hostess with my apologies. Lets hope it's not that our manners are abhorrent, instead time management has gone awry. Here is my worst RSVP story ever. My mother in law (whom I love) is a very nice woman. But… she doesn't think things through sometimes. She went to a family reunion the year I was engaged and she handed the response card to some distant distant
relatives in the sticks of Arkansas. Ten days before my wedding I opened up a response card that had come in the mail and it said Guests Attending
21. I kid you not! I cried for two days. My husband and I didn't even know who they were. I am not exaggerating and yes they all came and stood by the open bar all night $$$. I'm not saying we need to go back in time with etiquette where we had calling cards
. I would say though that when you get an invitation not only should you respond yes or no immediately. Remember that invitation and response card are only for the people for which it is addressed. The RSVP is really simple. Respect the honor of an invitation and be gracious to those who invite us to celebrate.
*Above Picture by UnisonKeep looking forward so you don't miss what God puts in front of ya!Matuschka's Midlife... Telling it like it is...
by Matuschka Lindo
Inspiration can be a driving force in your life no matter what age you are. As women I think we are always trying to reinvent ourselves
or to set a new goal for ourselves. Not sure what the rule of thumb is for how many times we can try? I say keep reaching for the place or person within that brings you peace and happiness. I think it's healthy and molds us into being more than we thought we could be. I believe you gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience that comes across ones journey. Basically, when you stop and look fear in the face and push forward it's empowering. To do this we look for inspiration from others… especially other women.
Looking for great words or great quotes helps me to make it through the day, week or month. It just depends on when the challenging occasion, tries to block my path. We are all stronger than we know. Sometimes we need inspirational messages to get us over the humps of our doubts. Think about what you want to achieve, even if its just getting out of bed to spread kindness. It's all relative... every hurdle, every goal, every dream, every accomplishment. Let's lean on each other and move forward together.
Below are some of my favorite quotes from inspirational women
. I hope they can transform your day, or mood or whatever state you may be in... to a better place.
“If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.” - Katharine Hepburn
“A woman is like a tea bag – you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water.” - Eleanor Roosevelt
“The way in which we think of ourselves has everything to do with how our world see us and how we see ourselves successfully acknowledged by the world.” - Arlene Rankin
“The question isn’t who’s going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.” - Ayn Rand
“If you look at what you have in life, you’ll always have more. If you look at what you don’t have in life, you’ll never have enough.” - Oprah Winfrey
“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.” - Maya Angelou
“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” - Helen KellerMy Favorite from Maya...I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. – Maya Angelou
The majority of you reading today's blog may be on vacation. Crossing my fingers that you are checking off from your bucket list and conquering fears. Enjoy the new women you meet along the way. Learn from them, take a piece of what you learn and bring it home to share with others. If you didn't get the chance to travel this summer do not despair, social media brings the most amazing women of the world within reach. Embrace the gift.
***Above Photo by Insightful @ EntrepreneurKeep looking forward so you don't miss what God puts in front of ya! - Matuschka LindoMatuschka's Midlife... Telling it like it is...
by Matuschka Lindo
Have you heard about this study that says there is a "Happiness U Curve"
and that the happiness we enjoy in the early and late decades of our life plummets to the bottom of the curve in our mid 40's. (They're telling us this because???) I read some of the study and it was not very uplifting. Going on and on about how they reported in the journal of Social Science and Medicine that our level of happiness tends to not only be low... but hit ROCK BOTTOM in our mid 40's, regardless of gender or geography. Then it goes on to say after analyzing data from 2 million people in 80 countries, they can't pin point a "why" behind the consistency among such diverse populations, only that it exists.
Well, I can tell you "why"... it's the three D's. I was hanging with some friends at a bridal shower over the weekend and there were a lot of young mothers running around chasing their cute babies. We (meaning the mature members of the Three D's Casserole Club
) just admired them and thought how fun life was back then newly married, new baby, new house, new experiences; from jobs to family life. Then there is midlife, the land of the 3 D's, Divorce, Disease and Death which has us not only mentally stressed and depressed, but running casseroles all over town to help our dear friends in need. I'm not knocking it, just stating where we are in life. The point is, I don't need a study to tell me I am at the bottom of the Happiness U Curve. I want the timeline from the study showing when I will be getting out! Let's just say I am ready now
Although, the more I read the more I found the somewhat positive side of this. First, I'm getting closer to fifty so that means there is a light at the end of the U-Tunnel right? It would be nice if the study said, "Hey, at 54 you start moving back up the U." Unfortunately it does not give an exact age of when the party starts again. Second, it is encouraging to think I am supposed to end my life on a high note of happiness! For those who are closer to heading into the dip (Forget the study... take it from me that dip takes a direct pivot down around 40). You could think of ways to be pro active and to discredit these researchers, by taking control of your life and your happiness. Don't let statistics trap you, reach for the top of that curve!
I also wonder if by knowing we are all going through the same motions, mentally asking ourselves the same questions about our achievements and dissatisfactions, men and women alike. Maybe we can step back and deal with the Three D's better. Something to think about for sure. My advice, let's all try to schedule Happiness into our lives by focusing on the Three S's Sleep, Shopping and Sex.
(In that order)Photo Above: by the economistKeep looking forward so you don't miss what God puts in front of ya!Matuschka's Midlife... Telling it like it is...
by Matuschka Lindo
It’s a fact: People who take vacations have lower stress, less risk of heart disease, a better outlook on life, and more motivation to achieve goals. When I met my husband he never took regular vacations. That was so weird for me. Being from another country I grew up always going on two or three vacations a year and we were practically born with passports. We were just a middle class family from Panama. Nothing fancy but not to have a passport wasn't an option in my family. Even when my kids were born they both had passports as soon as we could get them. So I always found it odd that many Americans didn't have passports and don't take the needed vacation for their psyche. There is proof that Vacations Relieve Stress and Overall Health.
Forbes recently reported that the United States is the only advanced economy that does not require employers to provide paid vacation time. They say almost 1-in-4 Americans do not receive any paid vacation or paid holidays, trailing far behind most of the rest of the world’s rich nations.
This scares me as I think of my husband and I at midlife. In this day and age americans are working more and retiring later. Our bodies will burn out if we can't recharge. I have always pushed my family to take vacations regardless of our financial state of affairs. When things are good we go big and head abroad. When things are lean we jump in the car and drive to a great city and do an economical trip. Then there are the years that only a stay-cation is affordable. But we ALWAYS take a Vacation! Our family gets stronger, we get a break, and our mental state gets a healing. As we age I think this is even more important. There's a report suggesting that American companies are doing a disservice to their employees. View this report on No-Vacation Nation Revisited
and see where we stand in relation to other countries. It's an eye opener.
Now that I have set you up on the importance of vacations. I am going to be taking off the month of July. My hope is that all of my readers are also taking a break and enjoying their family and friends for the summer. For the month of July I will be re-posting some of the favorite blogs that readers commented on. They will still come every Wednesday. I ask you to please forward the blogs and share with friends. Ask them to Friend and LIKE Matuschka's Midlife Mayhem
or follow me on twitter @MatuschkaLindo. If you have a favorite you want me to post feel free to message me (or email if you get my blogs by email). In August I will be back posting New Blogs
and sharing some midlife summer moments and thoughts. Be safe, during your summer travels. Thank you so much for reading my blogs and for all your continued support! Spread the Word!Keep looking forward so you don't miss what God puts in front of ya!Matuschka's Midlife... Telling it like it is...