by Matuschka Lindo
A few weeks ago I asked people on Matuschka's Midlife Mayhem Facebook
page to post topics they wanted me to write about. Nobody posted anything but several messaged me. I get that, you don't want people to connect you with a topic. That's what I am here for, so good idea. One of the subjects was dating at midlife. Many of my married friends are always saying. "Wow I would hate to be out there dating now." I say good for you! That most likely means you are in a good marriage and all is well. I have also been blessed with a good marriage of 20-something years so I had to do some research for this blog. What I found is that dating at midlife can be rather enjoyable. At this stage of your life you know yourself better and you know what you are after. Your attitude at midlife has completely changed, so use that to your advantage. You aren't just looking to hook up for happily ever after. You are now looking for a companion to enjoy your taste and midlife style. Either you liked what you had and want that type of person again or you can change it all up. Lisa Firestone an expert in psychology, writes a great article stating that by understanding our history, we can make a conscious effort to make different choices. Firestone believes there are great advantages to dating after 40!
An article by Christopher Ingraham in the Washington Post shows that divorce is actually on the rise and we can blame the Baby Boomers. The same people who increased the divorce rates in 1980 and 1990 when they were in their 20s and 30s are now in their 40s, 50s, and 60s. The Baby Boom generation apparently was responsible for the rise in marital instability after 1970. They are now middle-aged, and their pattern of high marital instability continues. But I am not here to point fingers. I am here to tell you what single people are doing to find love again at midlife. There is still the old fashioned way of connection by friends and family. Many still meet people on the job, or head out on the town for special nights to specific bars or restaurants. Social Media has made the number one dating place ONLINE! I know everyone has heard of online dating. Just not sure you realize how big it is? There are over 25-hundred sites in the United States and over 5-thousand worldwide. Here are the Top Ten Best ONLINE Dating Sites for 2014!
If you are looking for something as specific as dating-bald-men, skinny-dating, or date-a-trekki you can zero in on your particular desire. I find this creepy to be so specific but hey, it's not about me! I do want to remind you that some opposites do attract in many cases. So open your mind to new experiences and new people. That hunk you went after in college was most likely an ass! Your midlife heart although maybe broken and hurt, is wiser and will heal to be stronger. Welcome an invitation to change.
Some not-so-surprising online dating statistics… A woman’s desirability online peaks at 21. At 26, Women have more online pursuers than men. By 48, Men have twice as many online pursuers as Women. Men lie most about; Age, Height, Income and Women lie most about: Weight, Physical Build, and Age. These statistics and more, like how many people get married from online dating? Can be found by CLICKING HERE!
In closing, here is the most positive thing I have found about dating at midlife. Today's women over 40, 50 and 60 are more independent compared to their mothers generation. Women are amazingly resilient and would rather begin to pick up the pieces than to give in to self pity. What I am saying is that life is hard and no grass is greener single or married. But there are always options and in 2014 although the Dating Game is played differently. You can do it! Nothing good comes easy.
Keep looking forward so you don't miss what God puts in front of ya!Matuschka's Midlife... Telling it like it is...
by Matuschka Lindo
Did you CLICK
on that pathetic scene of Bridget Jones's Diary? We've all been there. That day where we want to feel sorry for ourselves, we want to watch the sad movies on the couch and eat the gallon of ice cream. We just want to CRY and Cry Hard… WHY??? Well, for me its graduation season and I have my firstborn getting ready to graduate high school. Preparing for the college journey; which in turn means, I have spent the last few months holding in the tears trying to be in control. So when I woke up one morning this week and Beaches with Bette Midler was on, that was it… My reason to throw in the towel and bawl my eyes out. They say crying is a cleansing of sorts. Maybe I was trying to get rid of some tears that were building up. I don't know but I looked like Bridget did in the clip above. Hair mangled, in my pajamas schlepping around and eating shit I never put in my mouth anymore at 5:45 in the morning. Ice cream, Cinnamon Pop Tart, Nacho Cheese Doritos then panicking and thinking get it together and finishing up with Skinny Pop. Definitely going for the sweet salt thing here.
Researches say there is a lot of good that comes out of crying like elevating your mood and lowering stress. Actually they have 7 Good Reasons To Cry Your Eyes Out.
I definitely think this is a female thing. I say its equivalent to watching a Bond 24 hour marathon on TNT for men. I even plan out these Good Cry All Day Events. Prime time for them is when I already feel sad. For some reason I want to go full throttle and just make myself feel worse and feed the pain. My brain works crazy that way, not sure this is normal. Kind of like when I cheat on my diet… I say screw it! Let's just eat like a garbage disposal now. I know the binge eating is not healthy but the water works show is a definite must at least twice a year.
Funny thing that happens to me is that some of these shows I always catch at the same scene flipping through the channels. Never fails for Terms Of Endearment it's when Debra Winger is getting ready to say goodbye to her sons in that hospital bed and is putting on her make-up and that horrid orange/red lipstick. I know I should change the channel before that little boy comes in… BUT I CAN'T! I have to see it! I have to get to where my throat hurts. I am trying not to cry, then the tears start pouring down my face and the snot follows and I am practically mouthing the lines waiting for it to get more tragic. I can tell you my top Good Cry Movies and the scenes that have me just short of hyperventilating because I am crying so hard. Steel Magnolias, "Why! Why! Why!… Lord I wish I could understand!" Sally Fields is screaming with her friends around her talking about how she is so mad she doesn't know what to do because her daughter was taken away from her. Beaches, when the little girl runs into her bedroom and finds her mom dead on the floor and she starts screaming, "Mom wake up PLEASE I don't know what to do." And I can go on and on with my heart wrenching flicks, The Notebook and Stepmom. Here are Cosmopolitan's Top Tearjerkers!
So if you see me with swollen eyes the next few weeks, I'm just working through this stage of my life which will demand another Good Cry Day. I think I'll go for the jugular with an oldie like Brian Song or Where The Red Fern Grows.Keep looking forward so you don't miss what God puts in front of ya!Matuschka's Midlife... Telling it like it is...
by Matuschka Lindo We have heard about these since we were teenagers. We knew that we would eventually get them. But we didn’t realize it wasn’t like the movies where you were just sitting with an evening drink. You reached down for a napkin and lightly start tapping your forehead with an, “Oh my, its rather hot. I think I’m having a dreadful hot flash.” Nope doesn’t really go down like that, at least it didn’t for me. I think the nickname for hot flashes should be ‘drenches’. Now a lot of things make this entire experience that much worse. It didn’t take long for me to figure out I would have to stop meeting my 5:00 lover. I was in denial for quite some time. Unfortunately the constant headaches and the beads of sweat dripping down my breast every time we had our 5:00 rendezvous, made me realize this affair would have to end. How I loved the smell of him, the feel of his exterior in my hand. There was the coolness and smoothness I always looked forward to. I would stare at the darkness and richness knowing in seconds he would be part of my body, that the two of us would soon become one. I would savor his scent of oak, the masculinity swirling through my senses. Then, ever so gently I would put the cool rim up to my quivering lips. The anticipation brought a quickening to my heart. Ahhhh the first spicy liquid would touch, I opened for more and let it fill the insides of my mouth. My 5:00 affair… right on time with no regrets, no looking back. The heat would travel down my throat, a slight comfortable robust burn of pure pleasure. But by 5:30 p.m. it would all go terribly wrong. The pounding at my temples, the heat rising from deep inside, he never treated me like this before; it was a betrayal of sorts. Yes, it was time to say goodbye, the affair was over. No longer would I be able to dally with Mr. Cabernet Sauvignon. Alcohol and peri-menopause/menopause don't mix.
My romance with wine isn't the only hot flash no no out there. Of course, it is different for every woman. Wine may not bother many of you. But it's one of the top things to stay away from when trying to avoid hot flashes. Some other culprits we are advised to avoid include Stress, Spicy Foods, Caffeine and Tight Clothing. I think to myself really? So what's left. Granted I gave up tight clothes long time ago. Then again, I never really had the body for tight clothes. So I think it comes down to weighing your options or maybe what you can do to counter making the reaction so intense if you do dally with these forbidden midlife fruits. Exercise, Yoga, and Wearing Light Layers can keep hot flashes at bay. The Menopause Goddess sums it up rather well… comparing it to hell.
With summer right around the corner I started thinking of the heat and the hot flashes combined. I can't find a firm answer on how long hot flashes will last, or how bad it can get. It just truly varies all across the board. Imagine that… no straight forward answer for a woman's hormonal body temperature? I do know that if you have severe symptoms when it comes to hot flashes it's not something to ignore. Seek medical advice quickly and get yourself checked out. There are some medical conditions that can cause severe hot flashes such as thyroid disease, infection, or even cancer. So if you have any doubts follow your gut and get it checked. MORE Magazine
shares some great advice on how to keep your temperature down with 5 Hot Flash Fixes! Below is the most accurate information timeline I could find on Hot Flashes according to Women's Health Magazine. Wish I had better news… Sorry
*Above photo by Shutterstock.comKeep looking forward so you don't miss what God puts in front of ya!Matuschka's Midlife... Telling it like it is...
- Hot flashes affect about 85% of women during the years immediately before and after menopause. Menopause usually occurs around age 51, but hot flashes can begin as early as 2 to 3 years before the last menstrual period. Hot flashes can last for 6 months to as long as 15 years after the final period.
by Matuschka Lindo
My favorite part of Mother's Day is I never have to cook! We take my mom to brunch after mass and for dinner my family takes me out! Now for the other 364 days… it goes something like this. What to cook for dinner tonight? Who will even show up to eat it? Who is on a new diet that I have not cooked to its specifications? Welcome to the life of this midlife cook. Cooking daily dinners is no fun anymore. I'd rather cook for holidays or large parties, than dinner 7 days a week. Not sure when what to prepare for dinner turned into anxiety, but cooking dinner for a family with teenagers has made me a short order chef with an even shorter fuse! Recently I took matters into my own hands and started with MOM Does Not Cook on Weekends Anymore. I just won't and don't! Everyone goes out with their friends anyway, it's just too complicated. I can't even begin to express to you what would go down in my house, when I had plans for a great family weekend dinner. Let me set the scene for you. Roasted vegetables in the oven with Barefoot Contessa's awesome Back to Basics cook book recipe.
Grilling the meat with a glass of wine in hand, and setting a beautiful table with a small surprise dessert. Sounds great right… fast forward 45 minutes? Husband walks in and says, "Oh babe I had a late lunch with guys after a meeting. I'm full let's just go to a movie." Daughter, "Mom I have a show in 2 weeks. I'm just having a protein shake." Son, "Mom I need pasta, so I'll just pick something up. I have to carb up. I have a 9:30pm hockey game." There I stood with BBQ utensil in hand alone on my deck, ready to skewer my entire family!
This is what transpired afterwards. We had a family meeting that night. Can I just say, when I call for a family meeting it's not good! Hispanic screaming genes are flaring and getting ready to spew in full force! I announced that I was no longer cooking weekends. That shipped had sailed 1.5 hours ago when I was on the deck! I demanded a family dinner with everyone at the table 4 nights a week minimum and that's when I would cook or get carry out, My Choice!
And on those chosen afternoons, EVERYONE was sitting and eating at MY dinner table. I have found easy dinner recipes
and great deals like Monday Family Carry-Out Dinners every week at The Art of Entertaining
for $25.00. *Special for Matuschka's Midlife Mayhem Below*
I no longer want the thought of dinner to turn me into a crabby wife/mom. That's not who I want to be or how I want to be remembered by my family. I am finding that less is more. Four nights of quality family dinners is less stressful, more enjoyable, and easier to commit too at this stage in our lives. Doesn't mean that they don't still complain about what I serve. But they tread very carefully in fear of another family meeting. In two years it will just be me and the hubby. I don't think I will ever go back to cooking weekends and chances are I will shave off a few more nights of cooking. It's okay ladies. Its better than boiling over and resenting dinner. I have already started changing up my menus for the future after reading a great article on how to Downsize your Dinners
for two again. The good news is cooking for less means you can splurge on better quality and healthier variety. I also look forward to cooking a little more gourmet for two and knowing the time and effort that goes into it… will be more appreciated. "What's for dinner?" I don't dread those words anymore and I no longer feel guilty when I say, "Pizza, I didn't feel like cooking!" Matuschka's Midlife Mayhem SPECIAL for Monday, May 12, 2014
Say you read My Blog and get a FREE Quart of Soup
*MONDAY FAMILY DINNER / ART OF ENTERTAINING*
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2 Small Casseroles
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Large Garden Salad
Half Loaf of Italian Bread
Four Cookies of Your Choice
Additional Free Soup Monday, May 12, if you Mention My Blog
(Six types of soups to choose from)Keep looking forward so you don't miss what God puts in front of ya!Matuschka's Midlife... Telling it like it is...