Voice Over And Narration Services By Matuschka Lindo
 
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by Matuschka Lindo

March is Nutrition Month. It occurred to me it wasn't until I reached middle age that I even heard about this leafy vegetable called Kale noun \ˈkāl\: a type of cabbage that has wrinkled leaves that is apparently, The World's Healthiest Food! I can't go anywhere and not see it on a menu, it's ridiculous. Kale smoothies, Kale salads, Kale chips, Gua-Kale-mole, Kale soup, Kale dip, and now these poor babies are being forced by hyper health moms to eat Kale baby food! Is it just me or have we taken the Kale thing a bit too far. And oh the people I meet who actually brag about all the ways they eat Kale. I get to hear new recipes of how to make it and how good it is… Guess what? I have been forcing myself to eat the damn stuff for two years now. The truth… I don't really like the shit. (Didn't mean to curse but that is what it usually tastes like to me) I'm sorry, I give up. You win Kale Warriors! Here is my video to you!

In honor of this month, I will testify here and now that I am a healthy eater. I LOVE berries and eat them daily. I also do olive oil for dressing. I live off of chicken and fish but I must have steak once a week. I also drink amazing amounts of water. I am obsessed with water. But KALE, no go! I have acquired a taste for really good recipes. My friend Theresa Vella makes an absolutely delicious Kale salad, and when I go to a restaurant and eat Kale chips smothered in olive oil and parmesan cheese that is yummy too. Let it be known, that is where I draw the line. It's an occasional veggie. If prepared by someone who knows what they are doing and knows how to drown out the bitter taste, I will try it. That is the only time I will dabble in Kale. But really a Kale recipe book… give me a break! There are tons of them out there, who buys these?

I will be honest though, there are many middle age health benefits to eating this vegetable. If you are going to continue to choke it down, or if you are one of the many that have convinced yourselves that you love Kale (liars). This relative of broccoli, cauliflower and Brussels sprouts packs a punch of vitamin K and according to some studies offers amazing cancer protection. This superfood is also great for eye health, your digestive system and your arteries. With all these benefits I'm not saying NO to Kale as I get older. I'm not stupid. But I am drawing the line on my support for Kale over enthusiasts. ENOUGH! As many of you know I blog every Wednesday; therefore, I may have to bite my tongue and revisit this issue the first Wednesday in October. It's Freakin' National Kale Day! Who invents these days? Craziness!

Keep looking forward so you don't miss what God puts in front of ya!

Matuschka's Midlife... Telling it like it is...



 
 
For many it's spring break so I thought I would go to the vault and pick out an oldie. It's a subject that just never gets old... Even though we do HA!

No one ever loves the hair they are born with, it's never curly enough, straight enough, blonde enough etc. Then comes that time in your life when you want the hair you were born with back... aka midlife. You want the original deal God gave you... but it's too late. You will need multiple products and appointments to even come close. And if you wish it back, be careful. Many times that wish is granted but it's coming back in all the wrong places. Hair in your 40's and beyond is a tangled mess.

Let's start with the gray. My family grays early so it was inevitable for me. I started henna rinses, highlights, and lowlights mid 20's. I have streaks of gray everywhere and I'm good with it, some of it peeks through my color. What I am not accepting is the other gray hairs that are quickly invading during midlife. Now here is where I get exasperated with my mother, grandmothers, aunts and all women older than me who have been tight lipped about graying. Maybe I just didn't think it through. When I went to the bathroom 4 years ago and saw this wiry gray thing in my nether region I completely flipped out. I just never dreamed I would go gray down there - What The Hell! I was in my early 40's! Isn't that something that should happen when I am say - 80? This new found gray threw me into the fetal position on my bed for about two days. I am the type that needs to be warned about things so I can prepare. No one ever told me. It makes sense now ya, but wow that's a blow to the ego. Really who knew?

Let me do you a favor of sorts and tell you where all you can plan on getting gray, besides your head. This way, when you see that wiry tinge of light color you won't be in a state of shock like I was. Your eyebrows, your underarms, your arms and legs, your eyelashes and of course down under. Here is a secret... you can get dye's from Betty for the nether region area. They come in blonde, brown, black, auburn, hot pink, aqua blue, lilac and red. Just throwing it out there, the other option is a Full Brazillian or the Sphinx. Choices, choices, choices, I double dog dare you to go red! 

Speaking of dogs, I feel like one. Let's talk about hair loss and unwanted hair. Its like I am molting year round. My pony tail holder now goes around 3 or 4 times instead of two. I used to have long thick hair that I hated. It drove me crazy and when it was humid outside I looked like Diana Ross in concert, in Central Park during a tornado. Oh how I would love to have that thick unmanageable hair again. Just never appreciated it. Don't know about the rest of you but not only am I losing a lot of hair, I'm not growing much in it's place. When you're esthetician tells you to go from 6 weeks to 12 for waxing it's a sad, sad, day.

Lastly the unwanted hair... listen, I am going to make this short and sweet to wrap up this blog. This really is a no brainer.
It's call the lone hair. You people know who you are... That one hair on your nipple, the bottom of you chin, or the back of your neck. I personally haven't had this problem yet, but I can tell you what all of us ladies are thinking. Get rid of that shit. We are all asking ourselves should we tell her? Can I just pull it? If we see it, you must!  Hey, it makes us uncomfortable! Pull it, tweeze it, do something. It's hard to look you in the eye and hold a conversation when you got that creepy hair sticking out in odd places. That's it... That's all I have to say about hair. Appreciate what you have, and celebrate it all. I can only assume when we start losing lots of hair in our mid 80's, we will be wishing we had a head full of gray!
Keep looking forward so you don't miss what God puts in front of ya!


Matuschka's Midlife... Telling it like it is...
 
 
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by Matuschka Lindo

I grew up in a very strict observing Catholic family. Making Lent a four letter word to me. As a youth it meant no fun, no food and lots and lots of Mass. I mean lots! Not really something I looked forward to every year, not that many children and teenagers do. I must say I didn't even like lent as a young adult. It was such a burden to sign up for Eucharistic Adoration. I have a litany of reasons why I dreaded the season. Let's start with fish on Friday. Back then that was tuna casserole or tuna croquettes. I'm gagging just thinking about it. I would have killed for a McDonalds fish sandwich... Fast food wasn't that mainstream yet. That was for special occasions in the Lindo household. Then all my allowance had to go into that purple Lenten offering box we brought home from school, folded together and put on the kitchen table. Every Friday we also did Stations of The Cross after school, we had to give up television one weekend day a week, and the icing on my Lenten nightmare… Saying the Rosary every night after I was tired and stuffed with dinner. I Confess, (that was every Saturday morning by the way) Easter could not come soon enough. What in the world does a kid have to confess once a week? Okay, okay so I put my brother in the dryer and turned it on… he's fine! While growing up, when Lent came time stood still. It was excruciatingly painful!

Spirituality is an interesting journey. It snares us all at different stages/ages. My mother had started taking vows and was planning on being a nun during high school when my father put the kibosh on that. Thank Goodness or where would I be! Even with all that Catholicism, I'm a Gemini Gypsy and I grew up shall we say having more fun than my parents ever knew. But somewhere along the way the park closed at Disney World. Life began to unfold and it was hard!  I will warn you that sometime, something will happen in your life that makes you turn to a spiritual answer.  Hopefully the big guy doesn't have to throw a bolder on you like he did me and a few knocks will wake you up. Whether it's the anxiety of parenthood, a child that is seriously sick, death of a loved one, loss of a job, betrayal, prison, a horrible accident…. Something knocks you to your knees where you have to stop and listen and hear him talking to you. Seems like God has been trying to get my attention for quite some time. Finally, at midlife I want to hear what he has to say. No, that's a lie, I desperately need to hear what he has to say. I finally called 'Uncle' and admitted that I couldn't do it all myself. I needed advice and help getting through this thing called real life. Where do I find this life line to peace? Darn if it isn't that season of Lent, coincidence? I doubt it. For those who aren't Catholic I know there are times of spiritual renewal in your religions where God is calling (maybe even shouting). Want some advice? I recommend answering sooner rather than later and surrendering. Unfortunately, it doesn't matter what anyone says. You won't go to him or hear him until the time is right for you.

Growing up with Catholic guilt means I've missed Sunday Mass maybe, maybe a total of 5 times my entire life. Including the birth of my kids, chickenpox twice, and strep in college. Of course, now I attend Mass out of desire not guilt or ritual obligation. I take the guilt, the worries, and the fear and give it to someone who can do something about it every Sunday. Think about it? All the stuff that piles up on you throughout the year. An overbooked calendar, constant emails, some noise always blaring… the radio, television, the ding of my phone, the dogs, someone yelling mom, worrying about the safety of my teenagers, my husband, our parents getting older, etc. Oh, and the incoming bills after holiday stress. I've gone full circle. I can't wait for Ash Wednesday, when I can stop the insanity! Somehow God makes it all stop. When I get those ashes on my forehead it's the beginning of my Spiritual Spa. I give up the distracting noises, excess food and all that stuff that always keeps me bogged down. I visit the big guy several times a week and get filled up with loving inspiration, that I only get fueled with on Sundays other times of year. I read more scripture and go to retreats to talk to him and to listen. What used to be my nightmare is now my saving grace. How does that happen? How does something you hate become something you love and cherish? My love for Lent is only a few years old. I can't even put into words this place that I go to. I look forward to Easter now because I know what I feel like after lent. And I LOVE that feeling! There is a catch though, low and behold God gives me just enough strength to make it to the next season of Lent. I come to him every year at the end of my rope with doubts and anxiety trying to wrestle me down. I now know my Catholic Lenten rituals are my steps out of the dark hole life can suck us into. Thank you mom and dad for giving me the key to renew my spiritual health. I finally unlocked one of the greatest gifts of my faith, Lent!

Keep looking forward so you don't miss what God puts in front of ya!

Matuschka's Midlife... Telling it like it is...

 
 
by Matuschka Lindo

With an invitation comes some duty shall we say. Some respect to the host or hostess of an event. I think most of our generation and beyond understand and still respect this code that used to be drilled into us growing up, or at least I thought so. I will be the first to admit that I am a late responder which is rude! I have been on both ends of the RSVP nightmare and I just don't understand why it's so hard to be polite and just respond by the date asked. As I said, I am guilty of waiting until that deadline. I usually respond with a NO if I am not sure by that date. If things change, then I call and beg to come if something clears up. That's probably all wrong also. I refer to Emily Post for the answers. What I don't do is not respond at all, that is just Etiquette Hell. Are you a heathen, ignorant, or just mean? Someone has thought about you, invited you, wanted to include you and you can't respond at all? I say an exception may be the 500 invitations sent out for a huge charity event. Okay, that I get. You would go broke on postage responding to the two you get a week. But If a friend or an organization you are involved with sends you an invitation be civilized and respond.

I think the rules of an invitation have gone by the way side? I also believe Evite's make things more complicated. What the hell is a MAYBE? So maybe I make some food for you. Maybe I sit you with a table of 10. Maybe you will find something better to do. Well, maybe I don't want you to come anymore?Maybe is unacceptable. The way the majority of people handle an RSVP is beyond rude. Just for the record if it's a wedding or large party, they want food numbers five days from the event. So if you are calling to say you can come 2 days before, you should be shot. It's gotten so bad now I think people just make extra food for tacky people who come last minute. Etiquette experts say that only 50% of people answer their RSVP's. What a sad state we are in when it comes to manners. What is wrong with people? Is there no guilt when you get a call or email to see if you are coming. Which makes me think… if I have to beg someone to come to an event, I need to strike them from the list for the next time! Now the people who really make me bat crazy, the people who RSVP Yes and No Show. Let's get this out of the way right now. If you don't have some major foreign illness, I am talking very badly about you to someone… GUARANTEED! That is money people have shelled out for you and they won't be refunded.

Thanks to social media there are so many ways to contact a host and hide behind your faux pas, so there is just no excuse. I think the writing is on the wall for RSVP. People don't see the urgency anymore, or we are all just so over booked we can't keep up. I am guilty of having five events on my refrigerator and walking by only to see what I thought was the RSVP date was the actual day of the party. I screamed and immediately called the hostess with my apologies. Lets hope it's not that our manners are abhorrent, instead time management has gone awry. Here is my worst RSVP story ever. My mother in law (whom I love) is a very nice woman. But… she doesn't think things through sometimes. She went to a family reunion the year I was engaged and she handed the response card to some distant distant relatives in the sticks of Arkansas. Ten days before my wedding I opened up a response card that had come in the mail and it said Guests Attending 21. I kid you not! I cried for two days. My husband and I didn't even know who they were. I am not exaggerating and yes they all came and stood by the open bar all night $$$. I'm not saying we need to go back in time with etiquette where we had calling cards. I would say though that when you get an invitation not only should you respond yes or no immediately. Remember that invitation and response card are only for the people for which it is addressed. The RSVP is really simple. Respect the honor of an invitation and be gracious to those who invite us to celebrate.

*Click on calling cards to see where you can get a discount on personalized invitations!  15 % off your order through March 12, 2014! Tell them you saw it on this blog.

Keep looking forward so you don't miss what God puts in front of ya!

Matuschka's Midlife... Telling it like it is...